So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
