My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
