i think i have herpe
just one?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
