but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
