Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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