did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
