Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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