New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
