I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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