It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
