So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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