On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
