After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
