dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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