So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
