Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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