I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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