So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
