He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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