he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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