so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
