It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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