If i come over, it means nothing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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