there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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