How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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