Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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