also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
