tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
