Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please come you make the beer taste better
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
