I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
