Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
