Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
