Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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