absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
