he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
