I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
