nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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