I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
