You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
