trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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