just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize