Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
