I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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