K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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