I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
