i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
