Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My penis needs a shock collar
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
