being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
