P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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