Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
