she woke up with a sticky ear
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
