these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just gift wrapped bread.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
