if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
