i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
should my penis look like a turkey
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize