I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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