Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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