mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
