I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
