the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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