and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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