He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
