there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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