I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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