Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
