Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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