Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
