i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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