She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
