he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
