It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
