I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
