Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
