She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
