My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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