At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
