I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
