You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
