We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
