So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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