Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
