Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
