dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
